aloharin

A leap of faith...

2011-06-20T00:04:00.005+08:00

Why do we always fall back into a pattern?

Despite how much the past has left us such a bitter taste,
we always go back to that similar zigzag dotted swirls
even though we know it's just going to burn us in the end
Is it the familiarity of it?
Or rather is it the little drop of faith that this might be it
this might be the one to break the chain of pattern
Intellectual, attractive, spontaneous men, with a sense of humour,
do exist
or perhaps in my head, they do..
They're just not available
nor can they be found living within 680km radius of me
The potential ones, of course,
tend to be an email away or a better way to put it,
a 20-hour flight away
So really, let's face it, what the hell am I still doing here?

My problem, like my daily non-stop nail biting routine,
it's become a habit of making the wrong choices
or for the fact that I have notstopped comparing the next guy I meet
to the only one I've ever fell for and lost many years ago
I'm over that, aren't I? ..or at least, I thought I have
The pattern has evolved into a trend
I can't seem to shake off
The type I desire do not exist here
The type that actually here are so not my cup of tea nor coffee!!
Funny how I'm still stuck in this never land of a dream
In my own little box that I can't seem to crawl out of
I know I'm not the most optimistic person
Hey, call me pessimistic
But let's face it, I'm realistic
There's only so much one can dream about
but there's a fine line between an over-dreamer, a realist
and probably..actual talent.

There's a reason why it's called a fairy tale
simply because it doesn't exist
we are never necessarily the princess with the happy ending
In fairy tales, the princess needed one true kiss to find her prince charming
In real life, we 'd have to kiss a number of frogs.. sometimes, toads too
and after all that, we're still searching..
In fairytales, there was a poison apple and an evil witch
In real life, there's a whole orchard of them and a train of bitches
whom you're going to bump into almost every single day of your life
and..we don't exactly have a castle to run back to
Fairytales tend to set a girl up for disappointments
In real life, the prince charming always rides off with the wrong princess
Realistically, we have to put our goggles on and start screening through them one by one
Wouldn't it be easier if our prince charming rode in with a pretty white horse
and a tag that says "THE ONE"..ha ha
then again, it wouldn't be much of a challenge, would it?
Maybe that's why I love to travel
It's a passion,
a reason to get away from reality
a reason to get away from everyone I know
It would be amazing to just leave, not tell a soul
and no wonder of the consequences
I love the thrills and the emotions
the rise I get from doing extreme nothings
the rush of blood to the head
standing at the edge of a cliff
before I take a leap of that freefalling faith
It's the relief of not caring about a thing in the world
and just enjoying the moment
But when it's over, I crawl back into the pattern of familiarity
called reality
I'm so afraid but I must break out of this rut soon
Is it really greener on the other side?
For starters, I know I have an amazing friend next to me
always holding on to my hand when I seem to be lost
I love my family
but I just can't be holding back
I want to know what's out there
What do I really want in life
My goals, my dreams..
There's a whole grapevine yard of hopes and dreams out there
I've caught a glimpse
just never had a chance to grab hold of my opportunities
and perhaps soon Ill learn to break out of the pattern
and stop comparing the next one to him
Maybe I've bumped into a certain individual recently
a breath of fresh air
a touch of confidence, a little motivation
did I stop to compare?
So near yet so far
It's an even bigger puzzle that I can't figure out
I stopped and paused for a second
if things seem too good to be true,
then he probably is..
I need a slap to wake me up from this daze
Is it strange that I feel excited, yet so afraid
It's much too early to tell
Sould I take one step back.. kick my heels and run?
But I guess it would be better
to leave it as it is...
Let nature take its course, oh! how easy that sounds..
Cause in all reality, I'm not even sure if my heart can handle any more sharp objects
This completely sucks...
For once, I want to be selfish
to be all about me
I will make this happen
sooner or later
It's just a matter of time
I can't stand this pattern no longer
I need a break
or I might just lose it
cause it seems I'm on the brink of it
Sometimes people run away to their past
cause it's familiar
we all do,
but maybe we should learn to let them go
I need a little push,
I need to snap out of this empty fantasy
and to discover what I can really do in the near future
Better to do it and regret
then never to have done it at all
It should be the new quote of mine
if I'm ever going to survive this jungle of life :-)

......

2011-06-03T01:17:00.001+08:00

Everything is more beautiful
when you know its not going to last
everything is more meaningful
when you know there's an end in time
Am I putting all my eggs in a basket
when I already know
there's a chance it might break

Am I wrong to chase
what I desire
Am I wrong to pursue
something thousands of miles away
someone who makes me smile
Oh god, please give me a sign
I rather know now
than keep living blind

They say its better to have been and regret
than never to have done it at all
But is it worth that risk of a long time heartache
I'm starting to slowly bleed
can I afford to take that fall.....

My sinful piece of candy...

2011-05-27T20:09:00.002+08:00

It's like leaving a piece of candy
all covered in a pretty shiny wrapper
to resist or not to resist
quite the temptation
Have a little taste
and you'll probably want more
face the consequences soon after
Doesn't it sound familiar?
Boys are like candy..
so pretty so yummy
Who wouldn't want a taste?
But be careful..
The first melt might be as good as you'd expect
but like all sweet things...
you might get addicted
or rather disappointed, in fact...

As pretty as its wrapper
it might have a minty taste
Some packages may not be as bold
but a bite,
could cloud nine you out of this world
Cheap affordable candy
so loyal, so reliable
so boring
eventually tasteless...
Rare expensive sweets
one you've never tasted
once in your mouth
it tastes like heaven
but once it runs out
can you do without?

Unwrapping a candy
it's like solving a mystery
stick with chocolates
and you'll get all messy
So which candy are you in love with
they'r like shiny little sins
once you're done with them
they're nothing more than a toothache
giving you a bittersweet grin...

A harsh reality...

2011-05-17T23:51:00.001+08:00

Whenver we give up something we really care about
somehow deep down
we hope the universe will reward our selfless choice
It may not always be fate
you'll just have to look out hard enough
and we'll find the answers
we've been searching for all along..

As fairytales do end
in which they always do
tourists pack their bags
return to their world
dreamers awake
to harsh reality mornings

There's nothing harder
than to face the hard fact
of having so perfect
slipped out of your hands
gone, the next..
What could be more beautiful
than something you knew you could never have
such envy do come swift
they hit you down so hard
can I afford the heartache
riding along with its pain
and regret...

In my shoes..

2011-04-29T00:57:00.001+08:00

You can never really know someone
till you walk a mile in their shoes
as pretty as they are
they may not last
as expensive as they are
they may not fit
but, walk around long enough
you just might find
that it fits in like glue

Love is like the next pair of shoes
one always hoping that pair is the one
Just don't get too comfortable in them
cause one day you'l realise
the other shoe might just slip off..

Lost..

2011-04-22T19:48:00.000+08:00

I keep looking through the glass pane
seeing a girl full of dreams and passion
somehow she kept knocking out loud
but nobody seems to hear her
where is this girl
how do I get her out
All she needed was a little push
a little inspiration
they come and go
as fast a drink fizzles out

I guess there's always a reason why
things never go the way you hoped
they take a turn for the better
or the worse
whatever the consequences
take it like a man
When things knock you down
learn to get back up
then maybe you'll figure out the reason soon enough

Why do I keep fixing things
that are already broken
why do I keep chasing things
that are never meant for me
why do I always fall for someone
I can never be with
Maybe I have yet to realise
I should just stop asking why
I can never know if I'll get what I want
but as the saying goes,
work hard enough
you'll eventually get what you need
and perhaps...
maybe that's more than enough..

A cold heart..

2011-04-22T16:44:00.000+08:00

Wouldn't it be easier
if I was born with a cold heart
I wouldn't need to feel
I wouldn't fall apart
Couldn't I have been born with a heart of stone
my emotions unknown
I was missing an inspiration
then you came along
lighted a candle
melted my heart..

I knew you had to leave
Yet I still held your hand so tight
I knew I may never see your smile again
yet I still chose to be mesmerized
How many goodbyes do I have to get through
before my heart turns to ice
If I had a cold heart,
I wouldn't have to miss you
I could just not care
A short fairytale has ended
back to reality
who glanced at me
with an icy cold stare...

goodbye...

2011-04-20T01:57:00.002+08:00

Lately I find myself saying goodbye
a lot more times than I would have liked
Even if it's for the best
It definitely hurts
Whatever the case,
chances are they are never going to stop
and we just have to learn to deal with it

Hurts to think about what we've given up
or what could have been
If its never meant to be, it never will
About damn time to clip off those wings

Eventually we all have to move forward
no matter how much our lives seems to be caving in
One day we'l recognise these goodbyes
is just a way to tell us to start afresh
it's all up to us to figure out
exactly when
letting go could necessarily lead to a good thing...

How much...

2011-03-14T16:16:00.000+08:00

How much would you pay
to be with the one you love
how much would you risk
to chase the one you desire
everything in life has a price
everyone you want
carries a price tag
The real question is
how much can you afford to lose...

And, should you make the choice,
just think,
Was it worth
all that sacrifice
then again you never really know
if that was ever the right decision

With a choice, comes a sacrifice
for every sacrifice,
comes regret
because little do you know
that you're just about to pay
a lot more than the price tag
And before you realise it
its all too little too late...

unwritten....

2011-02-18T00:20:00.000+08:00

People will believe what they want to believe
beyond all deceptions and lies
even if the truth
is staring right back at them in the eye
Why does it take so much to realise
once the dust settles,
and long been gone
we are all looking
at the same big picture,
all along...

We look from afar
the one that we yearn
never the same
as the fairytale
that was written
Fairytales set up a girl
only for disappointments
In the real world
the prince always
goes off with the wrong princess..

It's a cruel world we live in
road could be dark
journey unwritten..
Take a moment
step back and listen
Let's remember
everything happens for a reason...

Disappointment...

2011-02-10T01:37:00.000+08:00

disappointment..

Like the drought praying for the rain
all it got was more sun
Like bees searching for a flower
all it got was a wilting garden
Like the girl who waits for her love
all she got was bitter rejection

It doesn't take much for one
to expect disappointment
They just look you up
whenever you think
there's light at the end of a tunnel

When I watch you walk away
from what could avoid
a heart's dismay
anger and hate is all but subsided
Just like the rain in a drought
you're nothing
but a useless disappointment...

Funny..how it is..

2011-02-09T01:16:00.000+08:00

Funny how you meet someone for a day
and words kept flowing
a feel of genuine comfort
and just a touch of honesty
So funny how chemistry works
in its mysterious ways
ironically its just as hilarious
they are never the ones who stay
goodbye almost happens
the very next day

How could I be so smitten
with a charming someone
in just a day
or just a moment for say
and then he leaves
never again..
Funny how certain people
are here to stay
lingering around you
why can't they go away

Grass is always greener on the other side
how true is that saying
I now know why
I can't stop thinking about him
so strange yet so true
chemistry can be such a wonderful thing
just like fate,
a cruel one at that too....

When you kiss me...

2011-01-07T01:07:00.002+08:00

When you kiss me
my heart flutters by
when you kiss me
the bluebirds stop their fly
when you kiss me
my whole world stops
oceans and the waves
I feel over the top

When you kiss me
you hug me so tight
when you kiss me
hold my hands
or my feet might take flight
when you kiss me in the car
things go out of sight
when you kiss me under the stars
they sparkle, shone so bright

When you kissed me goodbye
my tears start to flow
I wonder when the next kiss will come
I'll never really know
we lay down together
staring in each others' eyes
is the the goodbye kiss
we never wanted
or a part of our lives
when you kissed my lips
and said that you loved me
the universe paused
why did we..
I missed your kisses
will you come rescue me
beyond the rivers and oceans
kiss me again
underneath the little hawaiian tree...

Life is a consequence...

2011-01-07T00:23:00.001+08:00

Life is an endless pavement
full of bumps and holes
sometimes we trip and fall
even with that little scratch
we pick ourselves up
and start our using brains more

A little trouble,
for a little attention
Eat your cake too
and be prepared for the lesson

If you can't bear the consequences
then don't start the problem
but if it does happen
suck it up
stop whining
for useless attention

a fine line between....

2011-01-04T01:59:00.002+08:00

Love and hate
such a fine line
betrayal and distrust
two lethal words
once the dust settles
vengeance cannot be undone
Friendship and betrayal
lay hanging over the dotted line
all it takes of a broken friendship
is a moment of betrayal
just waiting.. and creeping
for that right time

Just like a single piece of glass
radiating in its elegance
one knock
it could all crash into pieces...
Take a microscope
peek into my heart
I'm as brittle as a glass
a little delusional
for my part
as much as I despise that side of me
to forgive is divine
to forget
it would take a while

So much I could say
but ignorance is bliss
If I had my way
it wouldn't be lovely..
But.. I'm fucking over it

They say
men are a dime a dozen
not worth the tears
they are probably right
they were never the king of my world
They say
friendships are not worth
losing over that dime of a dozen
but no more disillusions
once broken,
they ain't worth
any more
of my time
nor my compassion...

The end...

2011-01-04T00:56:00.002+08:00

In the world I imagined
you would be there
In the world I pictured
you would be holding my hand
far too long time has passed
my door to that world
still lay in my head

Moments I want to throw the key
moments I want to banish
still I hang on to it
why am I still in love with you
when you're on the other side of the world
What would it take for you to realize
what I've longed realized
Iv hung on the believe
though we can never be
still I keep you a part of me
if I knew an end was inevitable
if I could turn back time
still..
I wouldn't change a thing

Blurry

2010-08-04T00:18:00.000+08:00

things seem rather,
a sea of blur
my heart and mind
completely un-sync,
thoughts used to be filled with words
now left blanked,
uninspired.
heart beats in a flutter of waves
from excitements to disappointments
chemistry within a heartbeat
timing is all but plain wrong
right person at the wrong time
is it always that way
too fussy or
its time to be on the getaway

friendships seem to be in question
sheer frustrations
rely on no one but you
it’s a letdown after a letdown
depend on them
results in a series of frowns

that moment of ignorance
my only delight
time to be a little selfish
stand up and fight
I’m that petal
always getting plucked
time to stop thinking
and fight for my sunlight
or I’m just gona get fucked...

waiting...

2010-03-04T00:58:00.001+08:00

We spend half of our lives waiting..
be it waiting for the bus
waiting for the rain to stop pouring
pondering for the future
or waiting for that certain someone
to maybe at least..
return your call..

Whatever we are waiting for,
its just part of life
whether we like it or n
whether we want to or not,
whether its necessary or just
a complete waste of time..

Sometimes we wait and wait
and before we realise it,
it becomes pointless
we wait for that special someone
to wake up and realise
we’ve been here all along..
We wait for that someone
to appreciate our effort
even if it’s just with a smile
we wait for that someone
to remember why they’re worth the wait
all this while..

A wait is full of uncertainty
you’ll never really know
as the hand just ticks away
you question yourself,
if they truly are worth your clock
or if it’s just another one big lie

Wish there was a sign
to flash me a warning
of what a fool I’ve been
how this I could not have foreseen
Now, I’m done waiting
You robbed me of my wait and my time
I should have known
you were never worth
a single beat of my heart
nor a single of my dime

Broken hearted....

2010-02-04T01:58:00.000+08:00

Freeze my warm little heart
so those tears would stop
harden my light hearted soul
so the pain could never get close
why feel such care for you
when you never do the same
why try so hard
when all I get back is in vain
why make you a priority
when Im only an option in yours
time to get a grip
and come back down to reality
don’t waste any more time
if all I do is think of it
such harsh comments
for all my honesty
enough is enough
the truth is just nothing but my own misery

Get over it
let the cold succumb
heartache will lessen
everything will be numb
hope is just a 4 letter word
merely exists for fools
with no grasp for reality
so dumb, I’m just a tool
so is love..
Such is a word
colder than the rain
I need to learn from now on,
love is temporary happiness
with showers of heartache and pain..

2010 at a glance...

2009-12-11T16:02:00.000+08:00

A long year has come to past,
before you could grab hold of reality
your 365 days are up..

Its been a rocky journey
from start till end
most amazing memories, they all started in
never in the same way, did it always end

A lot of tears iv shed
Some are happy,
some are sad
Friends I’ve met and known
I’ve come to love
Always there in my time of need
A shoulder to cry on,
In moments, I so desperately seek
Led to a blossomed friendship
I so sorely miss.
Good things never do last
at the airport we bid goodbye
Leaving me sweet memories,
that money can never buy

Been that year of career sorts
Iv come to realise
Blew my 26th candle
and I thought;
what the hell am I doing with my life
New year, new decisions
less procrastinations
More aggressive actions

Painful moments of my heart
as I learnt to let go
that certain someone,
I should have done so,
a long time ago
my heart still scarred
time never did heal it yet
how do you fall for something
that you really never had

Iv learnt to get back on my white horse
still grabbing on to the rope
and it never did struck me
I would be slipping again
down a rocky slope
How did I let history repeat itself
somebody once said
before I knew it,
it was far too late

Sucked into the pits of 2010
Iv dug up a hole,
I could fall back in
or maybe it’s just a molehill
made into a mountain
I just have to get over it
obstacles will always appear
and I will deal with it
Crossing my fingers
it would be a happier year
with a certain somebody
hopefully things will work out
sooner or later
we'd be together....

Stop....

2009-09-06T00:28:00.000+08:00

Stop holding my hands..
if all you do,
is going to let them go
stop hugging me so tight
if you're going
to make that warmth
leave me cold..
stop wiping away my tears
if you're going
to make me tear so much more
stop giving a kiss good night
if all you're returning me
is a thousand kisses goodbye ..

Stop saying that you care
and then, make me wonder
why u left me there
stop saying that we'l see each other again
when you know
inevitably,
we definitely won't..
stop saying that everything will be alright
when you know that it clearly wouldn't
stop making me promises
if all you're going to do
is break them all..
Stop saying sorry,
for even a thousand apologies
wouldn't change anything at all..

Just stop whatever that you are doing,
and just let me think..
hopefully one day
I'll stop and realise
you were nothing more
than a beautiful nightmare
from the sweetest of dreams...

Im giving up....

2009-08-25T01:15:00.000+08:00

you think when you love someone
you can hop through all your obstacles
even those miles apart
we call distance..
then we realise the times we spent apart
might never make up
for those times we spent together
we tend to lose that touch,
that feeling we once had,

When that moment comes,
one day and I pick up my pen
stared blankly at an open page
and begin to wonder
..what should I write
dialled your number
and you pick up
struck me then,
I didn't know what to say
All Im left with,
is the memories of us
wish time would have stopped then,
then maybe I'd still be holding your hand..

Friendships far apart.. part 2

2009-08-22T01:30:00.000+08:00

Distance is sucha crazy thing..

how could people living so far.. always seemed much so near..
how could somebody on a different land.. made you feel so peaceful, so close, so dear
how could just your shoulders.. could simply wipe my tears away
how could your hugs.. keep my sad lil blues away..
how could things be so simple..made so difficult.. coz of those miles apart..
how do you tell them ul miss them..and wish things would never change..
how do u replace a friend, maybe something more.. it might never come by again..
how could people in my life disappear as fast as they appear..

distance & friends are such crazy things..
far too crazy in my reality..
wish it only happened in my dreams..

Friendships far apart.. part 1

2009-08-22T01:05:00.000+08:00

You know when you meet the certain people who instantly makes an impact on y0ur life.. somehow its so hard to let them go.. these friends are one of a lifetime, who aint happenin again in y0ur life anytime soon..

you know they'l never leave u.. always will be there for you.. but when that time comes to let them go.. no amount of tears will ever replace them.. or how much u mean to them.. and u wonder, why they ever have to go.. and if onLy these people are just meant to exist for that speciaL moment in your life.. remember to smile cause you'll always treasure those moments, good & bad, because it happened.. not because it ends..

I turned around....

2009-08-20T02:01:00.000+08:00

I turned around
you lay one on my lips
I turned around
for every one of my tears,
I got your hug & your kiss
I turned around
I was in your warm embrace
My only inspiration
took flight so suddenly
my clouds turned grey
my hands stood still
I couldn’t find anything,
anything to write or say
my hopes diminishing,
happiness depleting,
I turned around
It was far too late
overcame with silence
It was just fate
I turned around
I lost my way,
pricked my finger on a rose thorn,
I turned around
for the last time,
you were already gone

s0metimes you juSt gona have t0 learn t0 let them go....

2009-06-09T02:00:00.000+08:00

People in our lives
they all come and go
some leave a piece of them
in our hearts
some you wish,
never crossed our paths
You strolled into my life
always such a dear
You brought me much smiles
Tears too,So I feared
You stole a piece of me
When you left that day
I look around now
It feels so empty
dreading that very moment
I knew I’m gona feel this way

Eventually we all have to move on
Despite of these all
I’ve learnt to pick myself up
during this heartbreakingly, bad fall
I don’t want to cry
because it’s over
I should just smile
because you happened
I won’t say goodbye
maybe I’ll see you again
I’m missing you still
up to this day
Never will forget your touch
nor your deep kisses
wish you were here
thinking of you
under the deep pouring rain..

Gravity...

2009-05-20T10:50:00.000+08:00

when my world seems
all dark and bleak
I fall back onto you
when everything
never made any sense
I come running back to you
like a pillar of strength
you were to me
I clung on tight
even though time has passed
and you were out of sight
I fall free
into your arms
towards your gravity
I can’t seem to let you go
I left my heart with you
never got it back
all wounded in pieces
why it is so
please set me free
you’re on to me
I don’t want to keep falling back,
back into your gravity..

Untitled...

2009-05-19T00:12:00.000+08:00

Sitting perched
under the tree
I wonder what it must have been
You were the last person
I’d imagined
we had much to click
your deep green eyes
caught me right
where I should never sunk in
But now I can’t help
but wonder
if I never met you
I’d never have known
how distant
you could be
Your hazelnut hair
falls perfectly
whereever the wind blows
A smile so sweet
turns friends from foes
What it seemed
was only fun
turned out nothing
like I’ve foreseen
rather anything
wrapped me up in confusion
nowhere near
where I chose to be in
Such feelings are oh so wrong
Swept by guilt
I knew somebody was there all along
Did u have to mess with,
my head and my feelings
or did I fell for it
far too easily
You were a friend
a listening ear
which lasted no longer
then my dried up tears
Maybe I might miss you
just a little, or not too much
When that time comes
I hope it won’t hurt just as much
We’ll never see each other again
So sad and so true
I’ll never forget you
A special friend
Who was there for me
Through the good times
& the blues...

desire....

2009-04-20T10:19:00.000+08:00

Desire,
that deep self want,
that yearning urge..
the desire to love
someone we can’t have
the desire to possess
something we don’t own
the desire to be
someone we only admire
the desire to be someplace
somewhere we only dreamed of
When will that desire
finally begin to put out
or will that desire
be just an obsession
all throughout..
An act on desire
in yourself, you would lose
A yearn for that desire
would you regret
on that, you so choose
Would it be so wrong
to act on one’s desire
for you might just trip and fall
or experience
that one moment of happiness,
desire may not be
such a bad thing after all...

Im y0urs...

2009-04-18T21:10:00.000+08:00

Stare at the sky
fluffy clouds float nearby
surround yourself
with yellow sunflowers
waves crashing down by the seaside

I leaned on closer
to glance a view
my breath fogged up the glass
I could hear your laughter
as you’re driving through
what’s with the hesitation
I’ll never really know
you’ve always been mine
as I’ve always been yours

I keep you in my heart
every day and every night
I think to myself
who are you clinging on to
instead of me tonight
Tiny white grains of sand
ran softly through my hands
As you’re slipping away
I just couldn’t comprehend
staring at the mirror
who is that looking back
where was that smile
she used to have
oh no wait,
is that the same person staring back
has it been that far too long
full moons & sunsets
have been up high & beyond
If there was ever a doubt
I just want you to know
You’ve always been mine
as I’ve always been yours...

Goodbyes...

2009-03-29T01:04:00.000+08:00

They say,
all good things must come to an end
It is then,
when we all have to part
As hurt as it may be
As much sorrow that befalls
time will slowly begin
to heal it all
Such partings could be forever
or maybe just for a little while
For it makes you start to wonder
in the first place
if there was ever a need for such a good bye

Lies...

2009-03-20T17:40:00.000+08:00

Lies,
everyone lies
be it a white lie,
to hide the pain
be it that small lie
to cover the truth
when that little lie
starts to hold its grip
fills that barrel of emptiness
from being just skin deep..
When all’s that said & done
and that lie devours you so
It deepens your sorrows
drowns you out

who would have thought
so long Iv kept,
this lil’ burden
not knowing what I’ve foreseen
it could have lead to
if only,
you knew for all this while
today would not have been as lonely
as it would have seemed
just trapped by
this small little lie...
and wonder what it could have been..

starry night..

2009-01-31T00:03:00.000+08:00

Bright sparkles of stars
Lit up the big dark sky
Like the little sparkles in your eyes
Lights up my face
Together with a smile
Just like those stars
so beautiful yet so far
fall here into my arms
as you would
just like a shooting star
will u kiss me
beneath the milky twilight
with pretty fireflies
glowing under the bright moonlight
Before I float away
don’t let me go
just hold me close, hold me tight
Just like a little dream
you seem so out of sight
where have you been all this while
I’m still here wishing for you
every day every night
Would I find you
amongst the glowing gems of the sky
Would I find you
holding my stolen smile
I’m like a faded star
that’s lost its shine
Would u return to my side
and be that sparkle in my life..

th0se 5 things...

2008-12-22T22:07:00.000+08:00

Its the way you place your hand on my lap
on the long pleasant drives
Its the way you dance with me
like its just us two
in this world
just leading our lives

Its the way you hold my hand in the water
never letting me go
Its the way you never left my side
through my darkest hour
I knew I was never alone
And the way you cuddle me to sleep
could put me into
the sweetest & slumber of dreams

Its the 5 things
I will always remember of you
the 5 thingsthat only matters to me
so it seems
Its those 5 things,
that made me fall so deeply for you
the 5 things
I would trade everything for
If I knew I could have you
back in my life once again..

I don’t want to look back
I don’t want to cry
you’re not worth any of my tears
nor my goodbyes
should the time comes & we meet again
I believe then I’d be truly happy
to walk past you
and never having to ever feel the pain..

never meant t0 be.. a fairytale...

2008-11-10T19:31:00.000+08:00

Chapter 1
Brand new chapter to be written
a chapter of you & me
the sparkles in your eyes
the warmth in your touch
what a fairytale it would have been

Chapter 2
Trekking through the forest
too lonely and quiet;
was the canopy of green
As I kept on moving
my eyes met you
I kept on running
I kept on stumbling
Chapter 3
What do I do
when the best part of me
was always you
What do I say
when you make me fall
& I’m the one to pay
I’m falling to pieces
how could you leave me this way
Chapter 5
Like the rocks on a cliff
my heart went crumbling down
did you ever stop to see
how much it really hurt me
It’s too late to apologize
It’s too late for hurt is done
Chapter 6
Under a rock,
I’m buried beneath
Struggling to climb out
or never, it would seem
I screamed your name out loud
but I just can’t make a sound
truth be told
my tears rolled, deep down
Final Chapter
Wish I could be
that last chapter of your fairytale
instead I was just its history,
carrying the pieces of a broken tragedy
With a wave of a wand,
You were a part of me
next moment, seems to be
you were nothing more but a dream
I’m closing my chapters
is it truly over then..
Like a princess still awaiting
for her prince charming
to come save her
& live happily ever after
right till the end...

y0ur birthdAy p0etry present....

2008-11-01T14:48:00.000+08:00

If I never met you,
would you be in my thoughts now
If I never flew over for you,
Would it have saved me a million tears
If every poem I wrote to you
would take your breath away
I’d write even more
every minute ,every hour, everyday
If I never see you again
could I learn to let you go
Pains to know you rather not see me again
what did I ever do you wrong

They say you never realise
what you’ve lost
till you lose it
Seems like that it never really got started
you’ve already begun to end it

If the ocean was just an illusion
Why am I sinking in so deep
and if all that ocean was the reason
then maybe I never meant that much to you
as much as I thought I did..
Every second of happiness I felt
I got back a thousand knife stabs through
did I ever mention,
you are the only boy I ever said, ‘I love you’ to...

Should one day you wake up
& find that you’re missing me
You glance to your left
a note of goodbye
is the last you’ll ever see
that picture on my wall
that’s the closest to you
that I would ever be
Always remember, I love you
more than you’ll ever imagine
or what it could have been..

~smiLe...

2008-10-22T14:17:00.000+08:00

everyone wears a smile
to hide the sadness behind it
to hide the fear beneath it
or show the happiness they felt from it
But under that facade of smile
lies the truth
one keeps deep rooted in their heart
should that smile ever wear off
would you come save me
or will it just be lost
slowly disappearing
into the deep blue sea
I am losing my smile,
so slowly now
if u didn’t already know
trying to keep it on
to hide tat diminishing hope
not knowing how much longer I can hold on
If you could
please give me back that smile
together with your hug
even if it’s just for a little while...

kisses...

2008-10-18T01:24:00.000+08:00

They say time heals all wounds
As I sat there
staringat the pouring rain
I saw your eyes & smile
mirrored straight to mine
through the foggy glass pane

How I’ve yearned for your kisses
That warm touch against my lips
Makes me want to run to you
Makes me want to stop & turn back
Still I want to miss you
Still I want to come back
Hold on to my hand
before I float away
I would write a million poems
If it was the only thing
that could make you stay
How do I erase my memory of you in my head
When everything I see
is nothing more but dreams of you & me
Hold your hand to my heart
and you will find that
you are the only boy
who makes my heart beat slower & faster at the same time
Hours, days, months and still here I am
still hopelessly stranded
staring at the same sunset
longing for your love,
and your kiss
till that moment passes you by..

Ign0rance..is bLiss..

2008-10-13T14:25:00.000+08:00

Questions,
they just linger in our minds
would they remain there
and stay wondered
or would answers
reveal themselves
in due time
Will he come back
will he leave
will I ever see him again
or will it just be
nothing more than a memory
As much as we dreamt
As much as we hoped
it would be the answer we wish
reality would appear
right at our very eyes
for it to make us realise
the truth
behind that saying,
Ignorance is always bliss...

Infatuation

2008-09-30T12:00:00.000+08:00

Developing an infatuation for one
Gives you every reason to believe
he is the one for you
It may not be the best reason;
Taking photographs
to seize the moment
Capturing his smile
Replaying it on your mind
Such are the bitter sweet things
that may not last
But in the haze of all that infatuation
It could be everything
you have been searching for
all this while..

Sorry...

2008-09-30T01:27:00.000+08:00

Sorry,
such a simple word
yet it could mean so much
caused me misery & pain,
who would have thought
Sorry,
is that all you can say
after you used me
then tell me
to get off the train
Sorry,
if only it was that simple
you’ve hurt me bad
but guess you’re not worth
all the tears I’ve shed
Sorry,
you’ve departed
and left me broken-hearted
I should have known
it never got started
Sorry,
but don’t say I’ll be ok
I’ve fallen
you just left me this way
Sorry,
when she’s by your side
am I even on your mind
I should have realised
you are a f—king waste of time
Sorry,
do you really mean
what you say
or is it just guilt
to make me go away
Sorry,
my mind leaves me confused
Maybe all along
it was me using you
you were just his substitute
Sorry,
for I’m sorry too
I’m saying goodbye
for the last time sweetie,
I’m slamming the door on you..

Temptation...

2008-09-30T00:48:00.000+08:00

Temptation,
appears when you least expect it,
temptation,
arises when you least desire it,
in a form of a new love,
a new friend,
a new interest,
Temptation,
never does it knock on your front door,
it just leans on your doorbell,
Temptation,
will we succumb to it
and if we do,
we must realize,
it’s always the morning after,
that we have to face
the consequences of
Temptation..

Josh's poem to moi ~

2008-09-29T12:02:00.000+08:00

I will never truly know
what we could be
our photographs produce thoughts
together, in our future I foresee
our peers will talk of its unprobability
I know by your side
I can find tranquillity
We live in separate lands
Far, far away
we face tremendous criticismo
f which we can’t understand
In our love struck eyes
It is of no importance
Our cultural difference
bear no surprise
No matter what happens
I will always be your friend
Don’t forget about Hawaii
This poem has come to an end

I miss you more than you could ever imagine
Joshua Ross Jordan

s0mewhere in bEtween a dreAm..and reaLity

2008-09-27T18:28:00.000+08:00

Thinking of the times we lay on the beach
the sky darkens as the sun starts to set
I’ve loved every single second of that moment
hoping time would come to a standstill
From walking down the streets of Waikiki
With cold stone melting down our hands
To snorkelling in the deep blue waters
seeing fishes I never dreamt I could see
Memories of that kept running through my head
Could never forget all of it
Best times I’ve ever had

Vast miles of oceans
lay calm between our paths
Still you’re the only person
I just can’t stop thinking about
A tiny message could lit a smile on my face
A simple call would make me float right up into space

Guess I’ve just realised of the impossibility
Coz up till now
I’ve been living somewhere in between
of what’s a dream & just reality..
Every hour every minute drifting further apart
slowly ripping pieces off my broken heart
conversations that’s just left hanging
It’s fading away from life each day

In darkness you’re all I see
In the stormy rain
you’re the silver lining shining on me
So what’s the reason my heart’s still bleeding
Maybe I’m just trying too hard
Maybe I should just stop & try
If that time really comes
Could I really say goodbye

Nothing I could do would change anything
Even time alone could not erase everything
Still so many things that have yet to be said
It’s just laying there on the back of my head
But silence is all that surrounds me
By then, I guess.. it’ll all probably be too late

If we never see each other again
would u miss me
If you found another happiness
would u still think of me
If our paths crossed again
would u still remember me
all these thoughts sometimes
make me feel so blue
but I would gladly go through it all
if someday I knew..
It would lead me back to you....